aioea:

Psoriasis Update:
Hi, I’m April and I have Psoriasis. It’s been about a year since I last posted something about my skin condition. Anyway, here’s a fact about myself: I rarely use slippers in public. It makes me feel uncomfortable and naked. Plus, I still have psoriasis on my right elbow and on the soles of my feet that just won’t go away—it has been here for like ages—and that’s another reason why I can’t use slippers because I don’t want people to see it. I just want it to go away, you know. I want this disease out of my system, but unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it. Ah, lifetime disease. Sucks to be me.

as i was busy looking in my phone’s album, i saw photos of me covered in psoriasis, lots of it. i just realize that i can’t look at it for too long without feeling grossed out. those photos of me were taken almost two years ago, around october and november 2011 and it was the second time that i got covered by my skin disease. how did i take it? can’t imagine how brave i was back then and now, i’m so scared that maybe it will take its revenge on me anytime it wants. i’m just hoping for the best that it won’t happen again in the future. ah, but i know better.. /sigh

summer is about to end and i can’t wait for school to start! i’m going to enroll this thursday. yay! hello last year of my college life, hopefully. haha. gahd, i miss getting allowance, i miss my friends, my uniform and no, i don’t miss studying. ＼(◎o◎)／！anyhoo, summer has been pretty good and at the same time, intensely hot, drag and boring. so, these are the events that made my summer worthwhile:

• march 28-30 - travel in ilocos norte
• april 5 - my dad’s birthday; buffet at vikings; ice skating
• april 12-13 - overnight swimming in marikina, flamingoes resort with my friends
• april 15 - swimming with my family at bosay resort
• april 16 - my birthday!!! received a lot of surprises the following days after. 
• may 1-2 - overnight at matabungkay resort in batangas; tagaytay

that’s mostly about it! but but but my days are also hohum because it mostly consisted of books, hachi le cat, milkteas/coffees, watching movies, sunday family trips/random mall trips, watching the sunset on the rooftop, food, and basically, using my itouch 24/7. these things are what keep me sane and entertained up until now. oh, well. i still love my summer 2013. thank you lord! ♡

I have a horrible way of thinking. I always invent things inside my head that you don’t even want to know about. I think about the most cruel things—calamities, pain, crimes, diseases, sex, accidents, car crash, gun shots, death, death, death. Yes, I come up with different scenarios in my mind that are mostly about the tragic ways of dying. Everyday and everywhere I go, there are these kinds of thoughts that seem to suddenly loom out of my mind and that by looking at simple things, like papers, sticks, or anything that look harmless, I can easily make out deadly thoughts about it. It’s frustrating, really. Worst of it all, is I’m now used to my way of thinking. It just feels normal to constantly think about death—thinking about being alive today and then being gone by tomorrow or the next day—because we all know death is an integral part of life but at the same time it also feels fascinating, scary, but most of it all, strange, strangely terrifying. 

• vampire diaries season 4 has finally ended. the season finale left me hanging and it completely overwhelmed me. the last episode made me cry and laugh at the same time but i was mostly crying till the end. it was just full of surprises and goodbyes. my feelings was just all over the place. it was too much that i can’t handle everything that’s happened. so, hello season 5! i definitely can’t wait for you. here’s to the new life after graduation. (≧∇≦)/
• i think i’m going to give up film photography. i know i haven’t even started yet but i failed, twice. those two roll of films that i used were all overexposed. i just want to stop. i’m so disappointed with the outcome. oh, life.
• random thoughts: i’m lonely. this is what i really feel when i’m all alone. there’s this void inside me that needs to be filled. i know, i shouldn’t even feel this way but it just keeps on overpowering all my other emotions. it’s inescapable. it is just somewhere deep within me that i’m trying to conceal and here i am now, taking a full notice of it. i’m lonely. i’m all by myself with just my cat and my books. and it’s okay though, it’s a beautiful and at the same time, sad, kind of loneliness. 

on the rooftop. took this hours ago.. and it was raining that time. such a beauty! 

(Timezone’s photobooth, East Wood)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies out there! 
May 12, 2013 - MOA; Healthy Shabu-Shabu; East Wood; UP

May 8, 2013 

• Bought myself two books at National Bookstore in SM Fairview with my le parentals and my cousin whom I missed dearly. The new book of Jodi Picoult cost me a lot and thankfully, I saw a paperback copy of the latest book of Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper so I instantly grabbed it. Supposedly, I’m going to buy three books but I unluckily don’t have enough money. Guess what? I’m now broke but it’s worth it though.
• It was my first time to try J.Co donuts. It tasted good but I’m not really that fond of sweets. And oh, Dunkin donuts is still my all time fave donut shop.
• Awesome twilight!
• Made myself cappuccino with lots of whipped cream! Gaaaad, loved it. ♡
• Also went to our old place, the place where I grew up, and dang, it felt weird to see our old house, to see my childhood friends, everything.. I don’t miss it though but I miss the memories. It was a nice feeling btw. :)

May 1-2, 2013; Sony A77

It was so nice to back read all my old blog/s posts. It completely brought all those happy, sad, painful memories back and it’s making me pretty nostalgic. It also got me thinking about myself that I’ve changed a lot over the past years. I become more positive person, always trying to look on the brighter side of life, even though we know it is not easy to always hope and to expect for the best but I still nonetheless try. Life is never fair, life is hard and so I am. It just made me realize that I’m different now, but stronger. I know I’m going to experience and learn a lot more about life and I know, things will not always go my way but, I’m ready. Ready for it all.

It seems like it’s all just remembering and forgetting. Things happen so fast, and then they’re gone before you notice them. Events ambush you from out of nowhere, blindside you, and then you have to spend the time afterward trying to remember or forget what the hell it all was to begin with. The more you think about it, the more the events crumble, crack, breakdown, or refuse to change at all. They’re either pieces of ice in your hand, changing shape and melting away until they’re nothing like what they were to begin with, or pieces of glass. Sharp and irritating, unchanging reminders of pain and unpleasantness - or happiness. (As Simple as Snow by Gregory Galloway)

Let’s levitate! 

Mesmerizing beauty of the sea and the sunset.
“Think of all the beauty left around you and be happy.”

Now these are the photos I took using my baby, Nikon D60 ♥

Light Painting; Long Exposure; Twilight; SIlhouette

May 1-2, 2013 

My first photo at the Matabungkay Beach Resort in Batangas taken by my dad. This was my second time here at the resort. The last time I went here was ages ago when I was a kiddo. I can still vaguely remember the place. 

My dad really wants to take photos of me, us, a lot. I can still remember I was playing the song Wonderful tonight by Eric Clapton here. 

Dinner at the Resort’s restau! Ordered Bulalo, Calamares, Caldereta :)

Then went to the bar afterwards to drink. Drank a bottle of beer and dayum, it made my tummy quite in pain, uneasy and bloated. It was just one bottle of beer! Gee, lately my stomach has been acting weird whenever I drink coffee, tea, softdrinks and liquors. Ulcer maybe? Dunno.

You can rent this fire pit for 300 pesos! Haha yes obviously, we didn’t rent it, just took couple of photos sitting there.

On our way to snorkel

My bro and sis were snorkeling here and also my mum, too. Hahaha I also wanted to but thought otherwise. I don’t like fishes, tbh. It was scary and terrifying to not know what lies under the sea. Just the thought of sharks and jellyfish and other scary creatures down there made me back out. Chickensht here!

Also went to Sky Ranch in Tagaytay and took a lot of photos there and we rode that huge ferris wheel behind us and also, the super viking (anchors away)―my fave ride ever.

Near the Sky Bulaluhan

This ride made my day! It was awesome! This ride really took us away, up high and so fast that you can’t believe you were going back down again. Epic.

Hello there Mr. Taal Volcano!

Dad taking photo of us three while my bro is taking photo of us two. Fail heart! </3

About to get in in the Sky Eye!

Ate at Jabi while eating Pizza hut’s pizza before we heading home. All of the staffs that assist us this day was all friendly and accommodating, espc, kuya here at jabi. So cute. :)

This was an unplanned trip but I really had fun! I missed the beach. It was really refreshing―the view, the smell of the salty water, the sunset, the sound of the waves and the wind that made my nerves at peace and calm, the trip, all in all. It was so gooooooooooooooood. And even though we were not complete, (my other bro decided not to come) I still had so much fun. The car trip was exhausting even though all I did was to sit there and sleep but nonetheless, I was glad for this wonderful trip and just what I needed.

May 1-2, 2013; Nikon D7000 (dad’s camera); Batangas; Mostly photos of yours truly; I still have more photos to post. ♡ 

lifeless

everyday i feel like a different person. i look in the mirror and sometimes don’t recognize myself. i become more crabby and lazy these days. i’m starting to have a lot of doubts and questions about life. i lost interest in things i used to enjoy, things that once made me feel happy, inspired. and also, i stopped caring. i just don’t see the point of it all. maybe this is just a phase i’m going through but i don’t know. i’m trying to be positive here, i’m trying to live a productive life but everytime i try, this question pops in head, “what for?”. i’m just so incredibly bored with my life right now. i feel lifeless but i hope, i’ll be back to my old self anytime soon.